Giving up

I'm so close to giving up. I'm a horrible mom. I'm crap for a wife. I hate everything about myself. I can't be positive Anymore. How am I supposed to? My life consists of pain and misery. That's it. Depression is so deceiving. I was happy, I hadn't cut in almost a year. Then we switch gears, move, loose a job offer and now it's all shot to hell. And then I'm depressed again, cutting again. Ohh life, stupid, ugly life. I seriously can't be around my own precious child without hurting him. I'm not fit to be a mom. Why would god want me to be like this, why just let me hurt kash. He's better off with a new mom. I just need to leave. Tyler can't even handle it anymore. He told me if he knew if was going to be this bad he wouldn't be with me. Oh thanks. Tylers given up, so I will. No one needs me anyway. I can live without knowing any future kids or grand kids. The whole world would be brighter if I left. No one would have to listen to me complain. I would stop hating myself. My parents would get over it with time. It's fine. This is the way it's supposed to be. I'll never be fully happy. That's the best part about depression, it always comes back. That's why i will just end it here. Stop the pain now. I remember things forever especially the bad things, I can't get over anything. I'm stupid, worthless, ugly, mean, a lost cause. I'm already done for.
I can't take it. CANT.

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