I'm sitting here. Bored. In my house. Wondering when I will ever like myself. Seriously, I really don't like myself. Right now, looking at myself and my life. I'm not happy. Most of my life is bad. For example, we moved here(yay). Ohh now I don't have a job(boo). Or we got married(yay). And Tyler's jeep breaks on our wedding day(boo). It's like, if you want me to want to live, why is this happening. I can't do squat about not having a job. I just get to wait. I'm so sick of feeling like this.
About me not liking myself, it's pretty much everything. Like my looks. My legs, arms, belly, face and hair. And the way I act or how I do things or my personality. I just don't want to be me. I'm not a good person. I'm not a very good mom. I'm lazy, dumb, mean, judgmental. I am so controlling over Tyler. I don't even know why he loves me. I question it everyday.
Anyway. You might as well stop reading my blog. It's always bad.
Shanni - Look for one miracle a day. It could be as little as Kashi smiling and learning a new word and looking up to you and loving you no matter what and it could be as big as your grandpa getting better by the minute. It really helps put things in perspective. Also, every time I get on your blog - your fishies get fed - that's a good thing.
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