Therapists and My new goal

Day Twenty Three



I went to therapy today. We talked about stuff(ha can I be any more vague?) But I came home SUPER cranky. I was mad at everything. Tyler finally said "why did you come home from therapy mad?" I didn't say anything. I just sat there and thought. Oh, I don't like my therapist. That's right, I'm not really feeling it with her. She kept talking about other people and bringing up other things(like the fact that I need to look into a LLC to start my own business, when I do NOT want to start my business for, about a year.) I need help with my depression/anxiety NOW. Not in twenty years. So I will be calling VR tomorrow or Monday, to see if I can get another therapist.


I got talk to my wonderful mommy. We decided that I need to start saying one thing about the day/myself that I am proud of, in my blog. That way I can stay positive when there are lots of things making me negative. So that is my new goal.



My day was okay. It was Tyler's day off. We went grocery shopping, and got paid(about 20$ more than we were hoping for!) Then played outside and hung out. I like when Tyler is home, but sometimes it makes me more irritable. I feel like when he is home I shouldn't have to take care of Kash at all. But that isn't fair since he works every day. So we usually fight because I don't want him to play a video game or because I want him to just sit next to me the. whole. time. I feel very needy when he is home, and its not a good thing. I know he gets frustrated, we both just want to relax, but we have a stinkin two year old climbing on the counter looking for more cereal or something. We both need to think of Kash as a blessing, not a burden. He needs us. He loves us. All he wants is our attention. We just need to see that.


I talked to my soon to not be my therapist anymore(I couldn't help it...) about my obsessive thoughts that Tyler is cheating, and she said it IS OCD, she told me to tell my doctor and he can find a medicine that helps with that too. I'm really glad its all in my head. I KNOW hes not/nor would he. But like she said today, my brain doesn't know a fact from a lie, so when I think something it believes it. That really explains it. Its true. When I tell myself I'm ugly or I'm not good enough, my brain says "okay, you're right." So I need to start thinking facts, not lies.


I'm so glad I have my mom. She is such a WONDERFUL, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL mommy. I miss her. I hate being far away. I miss her SOOOO much. I NEED her by my side every. single. day. I am so grateful that she is my mom. Life is hard, but she ALWAYS knows what to say to help me make it one more day.





Today I am proud that we made such a healthy lunch, and that it was SUPER yummy!