Day Eleven
About a month ago, Tyler did something at work, behind my back. I found out and it got fixed(I hope) but ever since then I cannot get out of my brain that he may be doing other things I don't know about. Even if he tells me he's not. I don't trust, I really don't. I want to. But I honestly CAN'T. Every once in a while I pick fights and see if he'll tell me the truth. He has lied straight to my face before, so that doesn't help my trust. It probably makes him SO frustrated that I won't accept his answers, but I just don't believe. Hopefully therapy will help with this.
In other news, I started day 1 of a new "shampoo". I use baking soda and apple cider vinegar. If you want full details, let me know. I've heard bad things about shampoo and my hair feels so weak and gross so I thought I'd try this stuff. You're only supposed to wash it about once a week and I'm fine with that, I hate washing it as is. When I washed it with the new stuff it felt good, its still greasy but that should get less and less as I keep using the stuff. I'll let you know how it goes.
We are going to meet my parents in provo tomorrow for lunch and I am SUPER happy! Its been weeks since we've seen them! It's much needed!
We have about a month left till we MOVE! YAY! We are pretty much ready. I've packed up so much in fact, that I've had to open up a few boxes to get some stuff out. HAHA
I'm mostly writing for my own purposes, but it is really helping you guys understand how my brain works, because I know most of you don't really know. This is how I am. When I say I hate myself, you can kind understand. My life IS hard. I am not just making this up or wanting people to feel bad for me. I don't care. I just want people to not judge so quickly. We are different. Spend a day thinking the way I do. Maybe you have. You know. Some of you don't know what its like to be depressed or what its like to want to leave this earth. I DO. I have PLENTY of people tell me that its all in my head or that they've had bad days too. I don't think so.
I hope you can all understand a little better by reading this.
I like reading your posts because I live with people who have depression and anxiety. It helps me to understand how they are feeling. Thanks for the window on your world!
ReplyDelete